LETTER TO THE DESIGNER

090

Dear Aircraft Designer,

Let me first say how happy I am that you have chosen to use your skills and expertise to enhance the comfort, safety and pure joy for those wanting to travel around the world. I think it’s an incredible task you’ve taken on and one that most would shy away from, but you in your infinite wisdom have decided that you are the person who is going to ensure that all journeys, whether they be short or long, are filled with many happy memories.

I often wonder whether I would suit the highly skilled world of travel design but then I look closely at a recent long haul trip and realise that clearly your skills are well above my own. I mean how could I have possibly designed something as extraordinary as the human sardine can? Sure it looks spacious enough in your glossy ads that only ever show seats with no row in front, featuring small legged children and petite size people, but you seem to have done an amazing job in hiding the squished sardine can features that aid in DVT, bordem and a numb-lower half.

I must say I’m also quite impressed in the anticipation you’ve managed to create for those travelling in the sardine area; you’ve cleverly made it so each and every soon-to-be-sardine must walk through the large, spacious and envy inducing first and business classes, where the sardine begins to think optimistically on the amount of space they too will be entitled too, only to find their tiny can crammed amongst hundreds of other sardines whose optimism has now faded as they barge their way past fellow fishes and buckle themselves in.

Have I thanked you for the superior comfort you’ve provided in the seat department? Unfortunately for those who have legs, arms and other limbs they won’t experience the sheer comfort of the ridiculously small recline, the fun of sitting behind someone fully reclined as you try to eat or the joyous way you’ve managed to create a bond between two strangers by having them share an armrest the size of a pinky finger.

Then there’s my personal favourite which is the incredibly glamorous manner in which you’ve decide we should use the facilities; sure you could have added more room between seats, made the aisles larger, or even done away with a few seats, but instead you though it would make much more sense to have to first make sure you’re fellow travellers are awake, if not the high jump over the seats would need to be employed, next you awkwardly ask each traveller if they would be prepared to move out of your way, then because each seat in front of you is reclined, you will need to contort into a limbo-esque pose to exit the seating area and head to the lavatory only to repeat the process on return. Clearly a very clever way for you to get people active on their long haul flight.

Once again Aircraft Designer, thankyou for making flying such an interesting experience, just one question though have you ever flown economy long haul? You should try it someday, I think you’d be surprised.

Kind Regards, The Sardine

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